It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
