someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
