she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
