what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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