this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
