i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't put those talents on a resume
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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