Im at strip club and am horny
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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