i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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