Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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