i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
