whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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