I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
