WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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