It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
