i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
