I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
