I think I am morally bankrupt
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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