You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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