why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
