i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize