he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
