well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
