I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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