Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
