Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
