They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
