Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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