; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
