i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
