i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
