these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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