I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize