Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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