I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
