i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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