I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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