she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
