no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
