I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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