Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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