Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
