She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
