We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Randomize
