I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
