The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
