I cockslap morals
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
