I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
