What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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