Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
