my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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