I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
