C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
