just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
