And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
