U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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