Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Boobs are out for the taking
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
