Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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