i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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