I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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