We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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