Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
