if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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