you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
